I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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