Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
