i permit you to call me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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