It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think my fart just growled at me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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