Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
