I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
