I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
