Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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