ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
