Welp...herpes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
