Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
