Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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