i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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