just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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