i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
