I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let the clothes fall where they may.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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