woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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