I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
