my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
