A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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