Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
