I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
