We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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