Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
