I just saw a hot homeless man
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
