I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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