I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
