i think i have two assholes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
