just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
