Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's the barista slut.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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