My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
