I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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