if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
