Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
