so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
