Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I sprained my soul last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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