there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You are the jesus of drinking
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
