At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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