I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize