Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am available for nakedness
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
