I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
