So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
