The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize