shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
