i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize