i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
