i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
