I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
