Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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