i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need to stop coming to work sober
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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