when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
