Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
