It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i've created a new STD.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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