so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize