the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
