I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm passing your future prison.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
