Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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