I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
