Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
