but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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