maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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