I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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