He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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