WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
