i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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