i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
