Kiss
Puke
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
