I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My hand turned me down
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
