you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
