was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's blow job season.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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