okay pat passed out under dana's car
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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