come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
