so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
