So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
