five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
