Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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