thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
