better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize