alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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