I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
