Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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