Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize