If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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