"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
