Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
not ubering you a puppy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
