I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
